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Smashing Pumpkins- 1979, Dead Kennedys- Kill The Poor |
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AKA "A Journal Entry of Jose-ic Proportions"
Well school starts monday for me. It has been an awesome winter break to say the least.
Why has this winter break been awesome? Well I'll tell you, via story.
When I was about 10 years old I really got into the Smashing Pumpkins. They were the first band I ever really got into. I was raised around some pretty cool music thanks to my mother. I remember being about 4 or 5 years old and the turntable in our living room (and my parents vast record collection) would constantly rotate through Led Zeppelin, Yes, Beach Boys, a shit load of 60s and 70s soul and funk, and Nirvana's "Bleach".
I always liked these bands as a youngster but then I didn't really listen to music on my own till the 4th grade. Around the 5th grade I got into the Smashing Pumpkins and decided I wanted a guitar for Christmas and wanted to learn how to play. But being intimidated and basically being like any other kid I decided I'd rather get a Playstation, seeing as the choice came down to some shitty Sears guitar or a Playstation. I wish my parents had taken an authoritarian stance (thanks school!) and decided for me and made me take the guitar. Fast foward to 7th grade. Once again, not really into music again. I remember owning the new Weird Al CD and the second Limp Bizkit CD around this time. Definitely a high point in musical taste. But whatever I would still probably listen to that song with Method Man on it (it's fucking M-E-T-H-O-D MAN for fuck's sake!)
Anywho around the middle of 7th grade I began to generally develop a distaste for a lot of the attitudes and thoughts of my peers and what not. I thought lots of people in school, in the world, and in genera; were shitheads and deserved to be at the very least made fun of. Enter punk rock. My good friend at Skyline Middle (we'll call him Matt F. No that's too obvious. M. Federer) was into this music. I began to listen to somethings he played and I was intrigued. I liked the music and I liked the message. Around this time I began to look up things about these bands on my shitty dial up internet connection (along with SLOWWWWWWWLY downloading porn) and I liked more and more of what I read. To make things even more awesome my (consistent) best friend from childhood, Ryan, who lived in my old town of New Castle also was coming into punk rock on his own with his friends as well (I guess I was the Ramones to his Sex Pistols, but I don't think he likes the Sex Pistols so I'll take 'em). He didn't have the internet at the time so I would go on the old CDNow website and play samples of songs through the phone and we would talk about how awesome they are. I still remember going down to the local DIY record store (...Best Buy) and buying my first punk album ever, which was Dead Kennedys "Fresh Fruit For Rotting Vegetables". That is still one of, if not my favorite albums. I can honestly give that album a lot of credit for being an album that changed my outlook on life and my own personal beliefs. I also had "Enema of the State" by Blink 182, which despite the shit I could get I think is still a fun pop album. Plus it's lyrics are also offensive to parents so thats a plus. After the DKs I began doing what I could to support the scene (downloading records off Napster) and looking back at some bands I remember listening to in 4th/5th grade and realizing they also had punk roots (Green Day, Butthole Surfers, Nirvana).
Next came high school. With high school came the desire (but never the little kick it took) to start a band. Ryan and I spent our time doing punk rock things (playing Tony Hawk Pro Skater 1 and listening to Anti-Flag) and discussing what was wrong with the system. It's kind of funny, I remember being pretty zealous in those days. I remember when some guy was gunned down in the Capitol Hill lobby because he planned to kill some senator we thought it was pretty cool (in actuality it still kind of is). Next came the trip (trip not trips) to the mall. Once there we were of course accepted into the punk scene (ridiculed by some of the New Castle PUNX, not all of 'em, just a couple of them) and told we were cool (called poseurs). Well, I can happily say that I still subscribe to my ideals I began forming (albeit in a more intelligent, evolved way) where as the few who ridiculed us last I heard are either always too fucked up to care about anything or white power skinheads. Anywho the punk thing continued through high school and even though I had written some (really bad) songs, drawing on experience of growing up poor and being on and off welfare and distrusting politicians I still never had the confidence to pick up a guitar and try my hand at playing.
After I graduated high school and spent a half year kicking around before going back to school I decided I wanted to eventually try and play some guitar. Sadly I was wayyyyy too broke. I remember in 2004 it took me 3 months to save up money to buy a $300 bicycle. And I lived at home! Then came my first break. A shitty, but surprisingly alright sounding acoustic guitar from eBay for 1 cent ($30 shipping). I got it and didn't even grasp the fundamentals of playing guitar. I just kind of let it linger in my room for awhile. Around this time I also began hanging out with Ryan's friend, who would quickly also become my friend, Eric. We attended Ryan's mom's wedding together and the whole ride back from Chesapeake City we talked about how we had both wanted to be in a band. I had no allusions of ever playing guitar, let alone playing infront of people, so we talked about doing co-vocals. That would of made little to no sense really. Dueling dude punk vocals? Kind of like asexual Crass.
Fast forward again to spring of 2006. I told my mom I wanted to move out, just to try it. My rent would only be $150 and I would come back in a year. She cried profusely and worried about getting help carrying the groceries and everything up the stairs. She had been sick on and off all the time for the past two years. I didn't understand why she was so sad at the time, I attributed it to empty nest syndrome, but I think she knew she wasn't "just sick" and that we would not be living together again. I remember that Mother's Day, giving her a handmade card that read "I know you've been feeling bad, but you are the strongest person I know and you'll hang tough" little did I know in two weeks those words were going to come true in a sense, but I didn't realize just how tough she could hang. I moved out when my mom was diagnosed with what I was told was "terminal, advanced" lung cancer. I kept that detail from most of my friends just because I knew it would be more helpful to them if they felt they could give me hope, but there was no light at the end of this tunnel, I knew that for sure. I just couldn't stand the anguish of staying in OUR condo, knowing she was suffering and sick. That place was no longer our home without her and if it wasn't ours it wasn't mine.
Anywho, I began living on my own for the first time and even though the circumstances were sad I was still having fun with my roommates. I expressed interest in playing guitar to one of them who played piano (Let's call him S. Yang. No that's too obvious. Shuo Y.) He said he could let me borrow his electric guitar and amp while we lived together. SCORE! I got it from him and began playing it. Once again, I had no fundamental grasp of how to play it or read tablature, much less music. I kind of tried to figure it out for awhile and finally did, playing none other than "Inna Godda Da Vita" by Iron Butterfly (Simpsons reference #3). After a few months I began to pick up more tabs starting with Choking Victim and Clash songs. People began to tell me I was coming along pretty good and it became my new favorite hobby, equally tied with bicycling, though it's much easier to sit in a climate controlled bedroom and play guitar then it is to bike in the ball freezing winter.
After a few months Eric and I resumed band talk. I began coming up with little riffs and songs for our band. I busted out lyrics for our first five songs in about 20 minutes one day at my job at Stanton Pharmacy. Next came our first practice. It was Eric on vocals through a little guitar amp, me on guitar, Ryan on bass, and Mike on drums. After a couple really sloppy practices where we just made up shit on the fly and no one could hear Eric or Ryan over my guitar and I couldn't hear myself over Mike's drums we didn't do anything for awhile. Eventually, through Eric's excuses (haha) Mike left the band and was replaced by Jordan. Ryan then decided shitty thrash (retardedcore/shitthrash as we call it) was not his thing to play, which is completely understandable, Ian stepped in. We now had a solid Tragic Johnson lineup and we practiced just about everyday for our first show which was about three weeks away. Our first show came and from what we were told all our friends were surprised by how together we were and could even tolerate us. Next we went on public access TV, then a bar, and then another house show and an awesome local show and then a ridiculous offer for the Trocadero (which was supposed to be tonight) but we missed that. It would of been strange as that's where I attended my first official big time punk show, Anti-Flag and Strike Anywhere. I'm still floored by the fact that people want to book us and random strangers tell us we're alright. I don't quite understand it but I'm glad you guys like us a lot because we have a lot of fun. The moral of this long winded story is thus:
Think about the hobby you've always wanted to do but were to intimidated or unsure of. Fucking do it, and use it to help you get through shitty and or boring times. Oh and don't worry about not being knowledgeable about it. I can't even begin to tell you what a "major" or "minor" chord is or anything like that. I wish I had started playing guitar when I was 10 or 11 but hey, I was in the store before Christmas and this guy's wife was buying him a guitar for Christmas and he was about 40 years old and never tried. That's awesome that he is but I'm glad I didn't put it off that long. And if you want to be in a band but are unsure of yourself, just play Retardedcore.
Well it's 5:08 in the morning and I need to finish my wine and go to sleep. I haven't written a long essay, personal account, or what not in awhile and it felt good to do so again. Thanks for reading!
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robbykills's journal
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